All jokes and worries aside, penises are remarkably similar in size when erect. This means that the smaller the penis is when relaxed, the larger proportionally it will get when erect. Erections actually follow a pattern: First the penis increases in length, then in circumference and finally it elevates—one might say it raises itself up in greeting. Because of the increased blood flow, the penis gets warmer as it gets friendlier.

How much time does all this action take? A teenaged boy may go from no erection to complete erection so fast it appears to be almost instantaneous, while a man in his 60’s may find five to ten minutes is required. Generally, as a man ages, it takes longer for him to get an erection. This is normal, so don’t worry. As we’ve explained, it is not the first sign of impotence. Just use the extra time to enjoy your partner.

A man cannot will an erection to happen, although he can “set the stage” by being receptive to the sensations he is feeling. But a man can prevent an erection from happening by being too concerned about making love. In the same way that a man can give himself indigestion by worrying about business problems while eating a sumptuous meal, a man who’s worried (perhaps about his ability to satisfy his partner), upset, distracted or otherwise “not in the mood” may find his body uncooperative if he tries to have intercourse. Instead of allowing his body to respond naturally to the pleasurable sensations of lovemaking, he is trying to force an erection. Such efforts will often fail.

This does not mean the man will develop a persistent problem with erections. His body may just be reacting normally to stress, fatigue or other distractions. Sex should not be, and often cannot be, just another task or chore to perform. Sex isn’t a duty or an obligation. For men as well as women, it’s okay to say no. (Erection difficulties caused by trying to force an erection are unfortunately all too common.. But they are also, thankfully, preventable much of the time.)

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